Note: I’ve been going through my archives lately and keep coming across odd pieces of writing that never went anywhere. I don’t remember writing this and have trouble imagining any audience that would want to read it. (I think it must have been an attempt at an Onion-style article?) Anyway, here’s one from the archives:
Eartha Kitt and Harold Pinter Go On Date In Heaven
Moments after departing this mortal coil and entering the afterlife, famed playwright Harold Pinter and singer/actress Eartha Kitt met up for a hot dinner date in heaven on Friday. Pinter, author of several highly acclaimed plays including The Homecoming, had always been an admirer of Kitt’s performance as Catwoman on the Batman TV series, but had been too nervous to approach Kitt while living on earth. Likewise, Kitt had been an enthusiastic fan of Pinter’s writing since seeing the 1963 Dirk Bogarde drama The Servant, which Pinter scripted.
Though the two never met while living, Pinter and Kitt died within 24 hours of each other on Christmas Eve, creating perfect timing for a heavenly dinner date. A nearby angel witnessed Pinter and Kitt dining on jelly beans atop of a fluffy cloud while romantic harp music played. Wooing Kitt with dry Pinter-esque witticisms, the playwright was able to get to second base with the singer. After being escorted to their cloud mansions by a band of angels, they made tentative plans for a second date. Kitt serenaded Pinter with a verse from her 1953 Christmas classic Santa Baby and the two deep kissed for several minutes.
This is not the first time two tenuously connected celebrities have rendezvoused in the afterlife. In 1989, a recently dead Bette Davis and Samuel Beckett canoodled at the Pearly Gates. And in August of 1998, Frank Sinatra got a wicked blowjob from Diana, Princess of Whales in the back of his cloud car.
1 year ago - read more...